DreamingAway

Love and affection are all open-air prisons here (பாசம் எல்லாம் இங்கே வெட்டவெளி சிறைகள்). How true are Palani Bharathi’s lyrics ! There is a kind of quiet captivity in caring, not because we want to escape it, but because we are never really outside it. A week ago, I was away, and my mother was looking after my dog, Hansie. I gave her all the instructions about his treats. But when she told me he had not touched anything, not even his favourites, I felt heavy-hearted. You know that feeling, if you have ever been there. The more we see, the more we agree to things that once we believed to be meaningless. Vallalar ’s famous words, “Whenever I saw a withered crop, I withered,” speak to many - some connect at a surface level, while others journey deeper to experience their true meaning. I see them sometimes, on buses or in public places. One day, he screamed loudly, apparently for no reason. Another day, she screamed loudly for the same reason. His mother got used to it. Her mother got use...

கோர்வையற்ற வார்த்தைகளாகவே முடித்துவிடப் போகிறேனோ என்ற தோன்றலோடே இந்தப் பதிவைத் துவங்குகிறேன். முன்னெச்சரித்தும் கொள்கிறேன். பரண் ஏறி வெகுகாலமாகி, துருக்கள் துகள்களாகும் நிலையாகிவிட்ட நட்பெல்லாம் இன்னமும் தேவைதானா என்ற எண்ண ஓட்டம்தான் இது. பழையன கழிதலும் புதியன புகுதலும் கால ஓட்டத்தின் கட்டாயமும், மிக இயல்பாய் இந்த உலகமே பழகிக்கொண்டதுமான நியதிதான். மாற்றம் ஒன்றே மாறாதது என்றோ, மாற்றம் என்பதே வாழ்வின் அடையாளம் என்பதோ நாம் எப்போதும் சொல்வதுதான். நட்பின் நிலையும் இதற்கு அப்பாற்பட்டதல்ல என்றே என் மனம் சொல்கிறது. காலத்தின் மாற்றங்களுக்கேற்ப, புதிய நட்பைத் தேடிச் செல்வதும் ஏற்றதே அல்லவா? உண்மையில் பழையது/புதியது, தேவையானது/தேவையில்லாதது என நட்பில் பார்ப்பதற்கு முன், நட்பென்றால் என்னவென்ற ஆழ்ந்த புரிதல் இருந்தால் மட்டுமே இதற்கான ஒரு தெளிவான விவாதத்திற்குள் சென்று பயணிக்க முடியும். நிற்க! ஒரு முனையில் - காலங்காலமாய் ஒரே ஊர், ஒரே பள்ளி, கல்லூரி, ஒரே இடத்தில் பணியென எல்லா இடங்களிலும் தொடரும் ஒரே நட்பு. மறுமுனையில் - பள்ளி முடிப்பதிற்குள் நான்கைந்து இடம் மாறி, ஒன்றுக்கொன்றான தொடர்புகள் அறுபட்ட வாழ...

“ O Arjun, those who eat too much or too little, sleep too much or too little, cannot attain success in Yog ,” says Krishna . And from across the centuries, James Allen echoes : “ He wants to gratify his taste for rich and unnatural viands and have his health as well. Such a man is totally unfit to have health .” Gluttony, after all, is one of the seven deadly sins. (Thank you, Se7en !) But don’t worry, we are not going that deep into guilt and punishment today. When it comes to diet, I am always amazed by friends who can effortlessly resist delicious foods, saying a firm “no” to temptation. Is a little indulgence now and then such a crime? Why practice such rigid self-control all the time? And no, they are not immune to double-chocolate-chip brownies at 4 PM on a Friday. Why not yield to temptation, wisely? (Just for fun, of course, don’t try this at home… unless it’s a tiny bite!). Now consider shopping and discounts, temptation’s playground. Epictetus wisely suggests , “If...

 “Live longer” might be a false claim. Even just “living” may only work if it fits your definition of it. But what if the very clarity of our internal ‘images’ holds the key to both how we interact with others and how we navigate our own lives? Recently, I was in a discussion with a few teammates. I tried to explain a few things that, in my mind, needed fixing. I gave a quick glimpse of the issues, assuming they would catch the core idea. They did. Just not the one I intended. Soon, they were pointing out fixes and efforts for their interpretation, leaving me wondering, “How did we get here?” Well, it is all about assumptions and the mental images each of us sees. A fundamental requirement in communication is not just creating an image but also learning to transfer it to others as accurately as possible. The challenge, however, is that we rarely share the entire image. We assume the listener will fill in the blanks - which they do, but sometimes with the wrong pieces. The result? T...

  Sweepstakes: Well, I don’t know the name. A puzzle would be published in the newspaper, and you had to send the answer to a particular postal address to be part of a lucky draw. The winner would get a nice product at a big discount. The money was collected through the postal service. Extremes: We often use words like earthquake, tsunami, volcano, or nuclear bomb to describe the extremes of emotions or situations. We somehow know these are the big ones and they become our metaphors for things we can’t otherwise measure. Delhi/China Set: My dad used to refer to heavy parcels with fake products as “Delhi/China sets.” Scammers do this all the time. You would order a Mixi and end up receiving a nicely packed old brick. Back then, there was barely any way to complain or get your money back. Phone Scams: Phone scams are very common nowadays. And the elders are the easy targets. Nearly 20% of the adult population is affected by phone scams, with trillions of money looted by the scammers ...

One of the nice things about major bus stops is that both the people and buses keep moving, yet the place remains decently crowded, and always buzzing with life. It was 20:30 hrs when the bus I needed arrived. I was waiting closer to the bus so that I could take my turn after the rushing crowd boarded. An elderly lady approached me and asked whether the bus would go to her stop. It wouldn’t. I patiently explained to her the right bus numbers that would take her there and told her that her bus would come in 5-10 minutes. I suggested her to stand slightly away, where her bus usually stops. Then, I boarded my bus and left. You know, it is truly a blessing to be present in moments when elders feel the need for a helping hand. I have often seen college students carry bags for older people as they board buses. Even if the bag is almost weightless for the youngster, the gesture matters, and I am sure it helps the elder more than we imagine. It also leaves a warm feeling in the one who offers ...

  Life is a bit of a mess when a stepdad and his stepchild don’t get along. Ask David Copperfield. His stepdad, Mr. Murdstone, made his life miserable, or at least, that is how David saw it. I was skimming through David Copperfield, not really feeling any sentiment, and honestly, a bit bored (lie!). And then, there it was — this line: “He ordered me like a dog, and I obeyed like a dog.” Suddenly, I perked up. I could see it. A dog ordering? A dog obeying? I never expected a single line to spark such hilarious visuals. A “wow, interesting” moment, completely out of nowhere. Of course, the reason is that I could easily relate how the dog orders and how it obeys to what Mr. Murdstone and David do. I was sure that I was not an eligible audience for “The Greatest Show on Earth”. It wasn’t the greatest show for me. I dropped out at 10%. Not because it was bad, but just because I kept wondering, why am I even following this? Then, amidst my inner struggle, I hit this passage...

Love has the power to let go. No doubt about it - Dad is the real hero for most of us. And this hero has a harmless villain side too, especially when you are a kid. Specifically a male kid. You know what I mean - those moments when he “orders” you to do something that you don’t want to do. The justification is simple: he teaches us the things we need to learn. His love is about shaping his son into the best version he can be, and this is his way of expressing his love. While this kind of love filled with care, lazy dads are happy enough to “use” us to do things for their convenience, and crazy dads make sure to call us exactly when we are in the middle of something we love. Well, the fact is, dad is the first person to love us to the core, and having letting go as part of that love. Love is an intoxicating bond. It blinds us to the demands of the world. One of my friends, a father of two, is very particular about independence. The first thing he did after marriage was teach his wife to...

2023 gifted me 5 extra kgs, and despite my best efforts in 2024, I couldn’t shed them. The silver lining? At least it didn’t increase! 😅. Yeah, that is about my weight gaining. Over the past few years, I’ve been setting pull-up goals and missing them entirely. So, this year, I’ve decided to focus on chest press and squat goals — aiming for at least 20 kgs. I’m also thinking of setting a 390-minute sleep routine . Lately, I’ve been overindulging in sleep (450+ minutes on most days). I use two alarm timings, but they aren’t helping much, so I’m switching to a single-alarm system. I also plan to include some basic morning stretches. Despite my poor eyesight , 2024 saw me continuing my long-standing tradition of binge-watching movies and Tamil serials. This year, I really enjoyed Oppenheimer, The Art of Flight , O2, Blink, and Ghoomer. This is perhaps lesser than the previous years. The Guns of Navarone, Laughing Bhudha, Level Cross were disappointing.   On the reading f...

  Had Gandhi not been present in Champaran, he would have still become a Mahatma. Had Che Guevara not studied Marxism, he would have still become a revolutionary. Had Siddhartha not been born in a palace, he would have still become the Buddha. Throughout history, countless leaders have risen to greatness. It didn’t matter where they were born, when they lived, or what challenges they faced - they had something inside them that pushed them forward. But why only them? Was it destiny? Were they born with a “greatness gene”? If I told you that was absolutely true, would you believe me? Let us take a moment to dissect this and see why it is not out of your reach. Imagine this: You are blindfolded and left in a grand hall, much like a child born into this world. Your task? To create tunes. All around you are walls, pillars, tables, curtains, and, yes, a piano. You can create sounds with almost anything. That’s how most of us live, just creating some sounds somewhere, somehow. In fact, ma...

 “Be the change you want to see in this world” is a famous quote. But what if I want change but choose to do nothing to make the change happen? Well, I simply leave it to others, including God or convince myself that the change is not necessary. This is one of those, a random thought on inequality, imposed indirectly. Return journeys, especially after a 500+ km trip between cities, can be tiring and boring. My last one was no exception. We were returning after attending a teammate’s wedding. Since I don’t drive, I sat in the front seat, just watching the scenery and the road. And only the road, once the sun disappeared below the horizon. That was when I started watching people travelling long distances on motorcycle. The first one, the one that no longer annoys me as much as they did once were the daredevil riders. I know they require great skill and courage. Of course, it is a risk for them, but more importantly, it is a risk for others as well. And then the good guys, the real bi...

 I had a hunch that I had heard of it somewhere - “The Deathbed Experiment”. Confused between Covey’s “Begin with the End in Mind” and Robin Sharma’s “Who Will Cry When You Die,”  I set out searching for the “Deathbed Experiment”.  My search led me through things like “Legacy thinking,”“Mortality Reflection,” and the “Eulogy Exercise”.  And it went a little deeper, the more abstract ones, like “Memento Mori Practice”, “Terror Management Theory Experiments”,  “Thanatotherapy,” and “End-of-Life Journaling Exercise”. No, I wasn’t looking for those. The idea itself was simple: imagining how people would cope with your death. Well, the name didn’t matter to start my own experiment. Here is how I progressed. I’ll skip over friends, as I believe that each one of them would fall into one of the categories that follow. Let me begin with the easiest group - my neighbours. Their response would be straightforward  - they would simply find out that I used to live there....

 My mom has been making a comment that is becoming a regular now-a-days. On Saturdays, she will say, “It feels like the week just started, but the weekend is already here.” At the start of each month, she will say, “The month just started, but the next one is already here.” One of my teammates echoed a similar sentiment recently. I believe this feeling is very common, and we may differ on whether we say this to someone or not. So, is the time really moving that fast? And for everyone? Of course, the actual time measurement is the same for all of us. It is our perception that makes time feel as if it is speeding up or slowing down, and that perception is deeply individual. While we have natural senses for things like sound or smell, we don’t have an innate sense to estimate time. For example, try starting a timer and then stopping it when you think a minute has passed without counting numbers, breaths, or using external cues. Chances are, you’ll stop too early. The point is that whi...

We were recently discussing the decrease in attention spans and decided, somewhat casually, to count the number of people entering the lunch hall while looking at their phones. It felt unnecessary, as almost everyone was glued to their mobile. This wasn’t the case in years past. Is this a generation gap? Mobile phone usage is just another addiction, like anything else, and it has nothing to do with the generational differences. Yet, the reasons people use their phones might signal a generation gap. Or maybe the very dependence on mobile devices in daily life reveals an underlying generational divide. We weren’t entirely conclusive. Generation gaps are inevitable, as change is universal, and it is the adaptation to these changes that creates the gap. Differences in thought, social norms, and behaviour naturally emerge over time, creating a distinct divide between younger and older generations. When things like climate change can play a role in shaping these differences, it is clear som...

  On our way home, one of my teammates was sharing his experience from a recent trip he took with his schoolmates. I mentioned that I used to go on trips with my college friends a lot but have since lost contact with most of my schoolmates. He told me that his college days coincided with the pandemic lockdown, so he made fewer college friends and has more friends at work now. As a result, he either goes on trips with his schoolmates or colleagues. Of course, when it comes to trips, it doesn’t really matter who you go with, as we often travel with groups of strangers nowadays. Last Friday, I was having dinner with a colleague who was visiting from our branch office. During our conversation, I asked him if he meets his friend (whom I also know as colleague) every time he comes to the main office. Although he visits almost every month, he admitted that he misses seeing his friend some months. He also reminded me that his friend was also his college mate and that they we...

 When working in an environment where benchmarks are readily available, whether directly or indirectly, we often have a clear understanding of what is required for our career growth. Since these benchmarks typically align with what an average person can achieve through regular skill upgrades for their experience level, achieving them might seem straightforward. However, in reality, it is not always this simple. For countless reasons, we often fail to continuously upgrade our skills, resulting in us falling behind where we could have been. Firstly, there are no everyday indicators showing that we are slowing down or lagging behind. It is difficult to recognise at first and only becomes apparent later. By the time it is noticeable, it may already pose a threat to our job. But what if there is no immediate job threat? This can easily occur in organisations that can accommodate people based on their current skill levels. In such cases, it's like choosing between just running or running...

They say that the departed souls show up in the form of crows, and we express our love, respect, and gratitude towards our ancestors by feeding these birds. This need not be true, I never believed so, but it feels good, so I do feed the crows. I used to give banana peels to cows, enjoying the feel of their rough tongues snatching the peels from my hand. And if you have pigeons at home, you know the sheer joy of letting them perch on your hand while they eat. So, here’s my thing: I love feeding animals. There's something magical and heartwarming about connecting with these creatures, even if it’s partly for my own amusement. They usually run and hide as soon as they sense our presence, but not this brave one. The internet search says, he is a “brown-banded cockroach.” Let’s call him Browny. I found this little daredevil darting out of a carton of pet food. I was curious. I blocked his path with my finger, expecting him to climb over it like a little hiker. Nope! Browny dashed back i...

Even before the buffalo and the bike passed by, I could sense the situation unfolding. The buffalo let out a reverberating sound, both peculiar and familiar, echoing through the air. I had heard it before, not just from buffaloes, but from other animals too. The haunting cry was unmistakably that of a mother’s desperate plea, begging for the release of her baby — a cry that can melt your heart and leave it wrenching in agony. I know this scenario of moving a cow and her calf from one place to another is quite common , but I hoped the journey would be brief. Is this emotion exclusive to mothers alone? I pondered this question deeply. I believe there exists an underlying emotion, one I call “mot-emo,” that drives the actions of mothers. While it may be prevalent among mothers, its presence is not confined to them alone. I think we just fail to recognise or acknowledge this everywhere else. Mot-emo is a universal emotion, much like happiness or anger, that can manifest in a...

She stood among a small group of girls, must be a college student waiting for the bus. Was she a kite? I am never conclusive, never closer to satisfaction whenever I think about the meaning and connection between the God, life and ourselves. And, I am not bored of contemplating it whenever the opportunity arises. It was only a few minutes, but she gave me an opportunity to delve into these thoughts. For many of us, our first experience with flying a kite might have been simply holding the string and running, allowing the kite to chase us from a distance of two or three meters. Of course, when we began kite fighting, we knew that we were playing one of the games that required a multifaceted skill set. We wanted to master them all, from making kites to manja thread, to dheel, to street fights. Imagine a kite festival, surrounded by kites of various colours and sizes decorating the venue. There are kites ready to take flight. There are children playing with kites, crashing a few accidenta...

We instantly make a connection with someone, regardless of whether the reason for it is well-formulated or not, and do everything possible to build a relationship. Of course, this tends to fail in most cases, as the relationship needs some common ground and time to understand each other. However, every relationship has to start somewhere, and the starting point can be anything. For instance, it is easier to forge bonds with neighbours than with those living further down the street. We are inherently social, and hence we already have plenty of circumstances that open an opportunity to initiate relationships, for example, being a neighbour. It is very natural/mandatory that we meet people and build relationships in shared places like educational institutions, workplaces, places of worship, recreational areas. Of course, not as a whole but in smaller circles such as the same class, the same team, and so on. The opportunities to get to know each other are plenty, and the environment forces...