It was 00:30 hrs when I got down from the bus to reach my friend's home there. I was surprised to see the usual byway closed, which could let me reach the house in just a minute. I had no choice but to choose the roundabout road that would take about 10 minutes at least. I thought it would be better to take an auto instead of walking alone in the night. I could see three autos there. I preferred the auto driver with beard because my parents had learnt and taught me to see the love and kindness through the face with beard. Since I know the place very well, I told the driver to take the route of my choice and we started.
I felt the silence of the night right after the first turn we took. The greatest of our inner joys can only be experienced in our loneliness and the silence of everything else. The magic of moonlight and the shades it bring on this earth is always amazing. I was confidently telling the routes while enjoying the loveliness of the journey and then this tragedy - the road got blocked because of some festival programme in one street. The path I had visualised could no longer be travelled. I knew it was time to get the driver's help. I requested him to find some other way from there. Whether he listened to me or not, the auto took another street and continued. I saw no change from the driver, he was focused only on the driving, not even a single word uttered. Luckily, after crossing few more streets, I once again could recognise the route. I felt, I no longer need this dumb driver's help and I could dictate the route again. I knew it would be a long route than I expected and of course, I knew I could control nothing of what had happened there.
I could see a person standing right in the middle of the street waving his hands to stop the auto. The bad side of the night is the fear it brings along and seeing a new person in the night always give us doubts and fear. I didn't want the new person to be with me in the auto but as if it was predestined the driver stopped and allowed the person to join us. It took just few minutes for me and the other person to make everything comfortable between us. I easily recognised that we were from two different worlds but then we started to listen and admire each other. I never thought I could feel this comfortable with someone else that deeply. Suddenly I lost the focus of the outside happenings and enjoying the grandness of the moments with my new companion. In fact, my companion had started telling the route and I was OK with it as I felt it could anyway take me where I wanted to go.
It was a night cricket match tournament in the ground near one of streets and two boys from there joined us. They begin to tell us about the match they played and how things went, with so much enthusiasm. We started listening to the boys. Oh, what a fun it was! They were talking about so many new things and at times we felt we couldn't even follow them as they were speaking about something we never heard of in our times. In fact, we were so immersed in the conversation that we even forgot that it was a night. All of a sudden, they stopped the auto and said bye to us and left. It was too uneasy state though there was nothing unusual and unexpected. The noise the boys made in the journey had actually disturbed us. We had kept quiet for sometime and then we realised the need to continue the way we were doing before the boys joined us. Alas, after few more minutes of travel the other person too left and it was back to me and the auto driver again.
It was tremendous deep silences within and outside. I had never felt the severity of voidness at this magnitude. Though I could feel the fragrance of the night journey, I could enjoy nothing as all my energy had already been taken away. I lost my control in the heavy exhaustion of day and the night travel. The cold brutality of happiness, anxiety, sadness... all through the journey filled the soul and taken all the physical strength. I thought the auto driver was deaf too. His silences were so annoying. I wasn't sleeping but I couldn't respond to anything. I had to drop my ego and surrender wholly to him. The routes needed to be taken was in his control. My eyes were closed and it was all the vivid picture of the other person, the boys and everything that had come in my way.
The auto stopped in front the house. I got down from the auto. He told me, yes, for the first time in the entire journey, that he knew that I would come to this house. He also knew about me and the purpose of my coming here. And he pointed his hands towards the other direction. I was shocked to see a way to bus stop from there. It was a new one but the same one minute walkable distance to the bus stop. I don't know with what kind of feeling I asked but I asked, "Why is this game?". He just smiled. He disappeared and God appeared. Now I asked the question even more louder, "Why is this life game?". Once again the same grand smile as if He was hinting me "பிறவிப் பெருங்கடல் நீந்துவர் நீந்தார் இறைவன் அடிசேரா தார்". I felt questioning it immediately but I died there believing that was the end of the game. He left, for guiding another journey. Anyway, I guess I didn't lose the game. Did I? Or will I ever get a chance to conquer the very notion of Him?
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